Within the past few days, the usual
peaceful and safe communities of Windham and Raymond were brought into the
reality of the 21st Century. Citizens of both towns were informed
that because of undisclosed threatening emails, schools were closed and would
remain so until the matter was resolved. Administrators assured all that the
issue was being handled by the appropriate police and task forces. Although the
knowledge that something serious was happening, no one except those close to
the situation knew exactly what it was. Consequently, the peace and feelings of
safety were replaced with apprehension, anxiety, fear, and suspicion for many.
While there is no one book for how to
deal with the uncertainly that is part of the times that we live in, there are
some ways to deal with them. The following are a few guidelines that might help
those such as parents, teachers, administrators, and of course, students who
have experienced the recent events. However, each person and parent needs to
follow what is best for them and their families.
First
of all, the example of calmness, matter-of-factness, and honest evaluation of
the situation that was given by the administrators of the schools is one to
follow. Adults are the leaders whether they are parental figures or
professional ones. When it comes to how to handle the situation with children
of all ages, it is important for the adults to acknowledge their own feelings
whether it is anxiety, fear or anger. Being able to speak with other adults
about what is occurring can be a healthy outlet. However, it is important not to bring adult conversation to the
ear shot of children. Children are perceptive and eager to listen to what
adults are saying – they are supposed to be as that is one way they learn. Hearing
conversations that they might not fully understand can lead to greater feelings
of anxiety, confusion and fear.
Whether children are young, pre-teen, or
teens, one way to help is to stop, look and listen. Being available for them so
that they can ask questions, or just talk about their fears is important. Take
time to listen to what they are saying and to be vigilant as to what they are
not communicating verbally. For instance, younger children may draw pictures
that depict what they are experiencing physically, and mentally. Or they may
withdraw from all activity. Then too, they may exhibit how they feel during
play with others or with their toys. In fact, play therapy is one way that some
therapists use to see how a child is doing. If a child’s behavior changes such
as may be seen with hygiene, toilet practices, play, sleeping habits, or
contact with others, he/she needs to be evaluated by a health-care provider. Some
may have physical symptoms such as headaches or tummy aches or just not feeling
well.
Not
all children want to talk about what is occurring or has occurred. Allow them
to do it on their own time. And even though teens may look and sound like
adults, they still have the same feelings concerning uncertainty and safety,
and in some instances, even more so. It may be more difficult to speak with
them. However, a drive or some one-on-one time may help. When speaking with
children, the conversation needs to be age-appropriate. It also needs to be
honest in terms of what is known about the event/s to the extent that they can
understand. Fears and other feelings need to be acknowledged and not minimized.
All who are experiencing a bad situation need validation for what they are
feeling, especially children according the American Pediatric Association.
Although,
it is not wise to state to children that bad things will never happen, it may
be reassuring to say that the authorities (police and such) have the situation
under control. Instilling calmness and lessening anxiety in children can be
achieved by their knowing that adults and especially law enforcement are in
charge. Being able to hug, cuddle, and show affection will help raise feelings
of security and lower those of anxiety for some children.
While media coverage may give adults
knowledge of what is taking place, it is not the best choice for children and
those adults who are sensitive to what they see and hear to be in a constant
stream of what the press has to say.
One of the problems with having to close
school and work for several days, is that the continuity and routines of all
who are involved are disturbed. Being able to have some order during these
times is important for everyone – not just for children. Keeping routines as
close to normal such as mealtime, playtime, work that can be done at home, and
bedtime are needed so that equilibrium is not totally thrown off.
It
is important to emphasize that even though the world can seem like a scary
place, the majority of what is experienced is good. Being able to state to
children especially that bad things can happen but there are a lot more
positive things can help with their understanding of events. For those of us
who live in Windham or Raymond, the knowledge that we live in relatively safe
places ought to help with adjustment for most to recent events. Also, the plans
put into place by our law enforcement as well as our school administrators during
the past three days may help with our knowing that our safety and that of our
children are a priority for them.
For
those children or adults who may have problems with rebounding from the recent
events, there is help through the schools, family physicians, pediatricians,
and other agencies. If there is a question concerning any problems that may
arise, one can contact school counselors, health-care provider, or call 211 for
contact numbers.
This
column is intended for informational use only and should not be used to
diagnosis disorders.
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