For more than 20 years, Dale Ruth Sherburne was a wife, mother and caregiver. When her husband, Russ, was diagnosed with early-onset dementia, her life gradually became centered around caring for him and supporting their family. Now, Sherburne is sharing that experience with others through her recently published book, “Neither Wife nor Widow,” and through speaking engagements focused on caregiving, loss and finding a new sense of identity.
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| Maine author Dale Ruth Sherburne will appear at the Windham Public Library from 6 to 7 p.m. Wednesday, Oct. 7 to discuss her recently published book 'Neither Wife nor Widow' about her experiences taking care of her husband who had been diagnosed with early onset dementia and how it led her to find a new sense of identity. SUBMITTED PHOTO |
A Maine native, Sherburne has spent much of her career working with children and families. She was a director of child psychology and special education before becoming a full-time caregiver. Sherburne says the experience of caring for a spouse with dementia brought a complicated mixture of emotions.
“There was this jumble of emotions,” she said.
One of the most difficult parts was watching her husband change while still feeling like his wife. The experience left her in a position that did not fit neatly into the traditional definitions of either wife or widow.
“I wanted my husband,” Sherburne said, as she described the emotional conflict she experienced during those years.
That experience became the foundation for “Neither Wife nor Widow,” which was published April 1, 2025, by Maine Authors Publishing. The 329-page paperback explores the caregiving journey and the challenges that Sherburne went through and that can come with losing parts of a relationship while the person you love is still physically present. The book contains 185 stories, each about one page long.
Each story begins with a quote and ends with an honest emotion, ranging from guilt and joy to frustration, anger and fear. The book is available in paperback and Kindle editions through the personal website of Sherburne, Amazon, Maine bookstores, and libraries.
“Caregivers are isolated,” she said.
For Sherburne, writing became one way to make sense of her experience and to connect with people who may be going through something similar. She also wants to encourage caregivers to remember that their own lives and identities matter. One message she hopes people take away from her work is to “embrace yourself.”
Sherburne also speaks about the importance of continuing to live while caring for someone else. During her own experience, she received advice that stayed with her: “'You go live your life for you, and you go live your life for your husband.”
The author’s appearance in Windham will give community members an opportunity to hear Sherburne discuss her book, her experiences as a caregiver and the process of moving forward after years of caregiving.
Beyond her book and speaking engagements, Sherburne is also building an online presence. She has Instagram and Facebook pages where she shares her work and connects with readers. She also hopes to open a YouTube channel in the future, expanding the ways she can share her experiences and her message. When she is not writing or speaking, Sherburne enjoys a quieter Maine lifestyle. She lives with her pets and enjoys nature, books, crafts. Those interests provide a contrast to the many years when caregiving occupied so much of her daily life.
For Sherburne, however, the end of her caregiving role did not mean the end of her story. Instead, it gave her an opportunity to reflect on what she had experienced and use those lessons to help others with her book “Through Neither Wife nor Widow,” her speaking engagements and her growing online presence, Sherburne is continuing a conversation about caregiving that can often be difficult to have.
Her story recognizes the complicated emotions that can come with caring for someone you love while also reminding caregivers that they should not lose sight of themselves. That idea has become an important part of the message she now shares with others.
For those interested in hearing Sherburne speak about her journey firsthand, her Oct. 7 author appearance at the Windham Public Library will offer an opportunity to learn more about her book and the experiences that inspired it. <
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